We’ve all had those days where we just feel “ugh.” Where we think, I wish I was taller, shorter, had her face, looked like that celeb, or whatever…am I right?
I had a psychology professor once say that while men are naturally wired to “do,” women are naturally wired to “be”–to be nurturing, to want to be desirable, to be beautiful.
While I totally believe that inner beauty is what matters the MOST, I know it’s natural for us women to want to be pretty on the outside too. So let’s talk about it!
I’ve always been a pretty observant person, so I learned in my early teens to see the irrationality behind self-doubt. Last week, though, I found myself in a bit of a funk. I had to remind myself of some truths to snap myself out of it. It re-opened my eyes to how easy it is to fall into physical insecurity, so I want to share with you what’s always helped me. In case you ever find voices of self-doubt whispering into your heart, I hope these truths shout even louder.
Here are my thoughts and some stories on overcoming insecurity:
- First off, you’re insanely beautiful.
- Insecurity is a choice. – Growing up, I realized that insecurities actually have little to do with your looks and everything to do with your choice. We might think “if only I looked like that…I’d be more confident.” But if we don’t learn to control our thoughts, we’ll rip ourselves apart no matter what we look like. So it all starts with choosing not to dwell on negative thoughts. Make a commitment to focus on what you love about yourself!
- Get rid of weird complexes. – I learned not to be insecure by observing others’ insecurities. I remember in middle school I had this complex that if my bangs didn’t fall a certain way (oh the days of side bangs, haha), I thought it offset the whole shape of my face and made me look like an asymmetrical freak lol. Dramatic, yes. I even remember calling my mom one day asking her to pick me up from school, because running in PE had made my hair crazy and I didn’t want to face society looking like that LOL. Anyway, these thoughts seemed totally legit in my mind. But throughout my life, I’ve had some seriously gorgeous friends. Like, stunning! And I completely had my mind blown when we’d be getting ready together and I’d hear comments like, “ugh my jaw is too square.” Or, “I hate that my right eye is slightly bigger than the other.” Or “I’m so skinny, I hate it. I need to workout more.”
Some of the features that I SO admired about these beautiful girls were the very things they saw as “ugly” or “awkward” or imperfect. Or little things that literally NO ONE would notice created a cloud of low-self esteem that hovered over them. That’s when I learned how irrational insecurities are. I learned that you could be drop dead gorgeous to the rest of the world, but mentally think you actually look hideous. So that’s when I decided to stop obsessing over weird things about my looks. Because why waste energy hating on things that no one else will ever even notice?
- Story time: Do you remember doing art projects in elementary school? I remember one time in class we got to each paint a ceramic plate however we wanted. I decided to paint a big heart in the middle of the plate, and colorful rings around it. When I finished my plate, I thought it looked just okayyy. One side of the heart was slightly bigger than the other. And the colors of some stripes overlapped a little in some spots. But to my surprise, I got so many compliments on it. “Awww I wish mine looked like yours!” a girl said to me. Because I had been looking at it for so long, I saw it differently than everyone else did. I saw all the imperfections, while everyone else saw a beautiful design. I think that’s how we can get with ourselves. We’ve been spending a lifetime looking at ourselves in the mirror. We’re used to seeing ourselves, we know all of our imperfections, we saw ourselves during our awkward phase, we know what areas of our body we’d like to lose weight in, etc. But realistically, the rest of the world sees something entirely different. The rest of us see your beauty.
- Comparison kills confidence. – When you see an attractive guy, do you think, “oh wait, he’s actually not attractive because he doesn’t look like this other attractive guy I saw the other day.” ? Uh no, that’s irrational. So just because other women are pretty, doesn’t mean you aren’t pretty also! You are! Look at Jessica Alba and Scarlett Johansson…two totally different looks, but both GORGEOUS. We’re each our own kind of beautiful, so own it! And help other girls’ see theirs!
- “You don’t need it to work with every guy, just one guy.” – some wise words I once heard. Ladies, we shouldn’t have to walk into a room and gain the attention of several guys in order to feel confident. We shouldn’t feel the need to always be “talking to someone” to feel beautiful. Using another person’s interest and emotional investment to boost your confidence most likely stems from pride. It’s ugly, and it needs to go. At the end of the day, I believe God has a special someone for each of us, and someday (if you haven’t already) you’re going to marry THAT guy. Not every guy. That ONE, SPECIAL guy. So if you feel the need to have multiple guys interested in you, or if you’re feeling bummed because no one’s reaching out to you right now…don’t. External events don’t dictate your beauty. You’re gorgeous. The right guy may just still be on his way 🙂
- Be less critical of others. – I noticed that when I pay more attention to the “imperfections” of others, I’m more critical of myself too. But when I’m quick to notice the beautiful features of other people, I see myself that way too.
- Your feelings don’t dictate your beauty. – Our feelings change all the time. One day we can feel fab and the next day feel like we have a weird nose or something. The way you feel doesn’t change your looks. You’re pretty, trust me.
YOU ARE STUNNING. Take it from me–You. Are. So. Beautiful.
I’m sending you the biggest hug right now, and I’m excited to see you walk with the confidence you deserve.
If you ever need a little reminder of how beautiful you truly are, I’m here for you!