Out of the 7+ billion people in the world, picking 1 to spend the rest of your life with can feel like a really daunting decision to make.
I totally get how confusing it can be trying to navigate through dating and relationships in search of finding that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
“As soon as we locked eyes for the first time, we just knew!”
“We were friends for years, and then over time we realized we liked each other.”
“I wasn’t attracted to him at first, but as I got to know him I realized he was everything I wanted.”
“I just knew he was going to be my last first date!”
As if falling in love didn’t seem ambiguous enough, there are so many different stories out there of how it happens to other people. So how do you know when you’ve found someone worth holding on to?
I’m not married yet, and am still in the process of trusting God to lead the right person to me. But I once heard someone talk about these 4 things to look for in a good match. This advice has brought so much clarity in helping me decide where and with whom to invest time.
Soooo I give you what I call the 4 C’s of Dating:
CHARACTER, CALLING, CHEMISTRY, and CONFIRMATION.
When trying to decide if the person you’re getting to know is a good match for you, look for how you both line up in these 4 areas.
- Character – What is their character like? Do they have integrity? Are they honest? Are they selfless? Do they treat you respectfully and make you feel special? Do you share core values? Can you trust their character, and not feel like you’re always “carrying” them along morally, emotionally, and spiritually? Do you have confidence in their personal relationship with God? Really examine and get to know their character to decide whether or not they have the kind of heart you want to tie yours to.
- Calling – Are your lives headed in the same direction? What are you passionate about, what are they passionate about, and are those things complementary? You don’t have to both be working in the same field, but if they want to devote their life to living and feeding starving kids in a third-world country, and you want to spend your life teaching at a school in the suburbs, for example, it’d be extremely tough to build a life together. Be with someone who wants to chase your dreams with you, or will be your biggest supporter, and vice versa. I believe a relationship and marriage should make you even better than you were on your own.
- Chemistry – Chemistry is so so important! This is what I’ve found separates a friend from a romantic interest. How do your personalities click? Is there attraction? Do you have fun together? Maybe you really like hanging out with this person, but can’t bring yourself to get into a relationship with them and you’re not sure why…It could be a chemistry thing–you can have friend chemistry, but lack that romantic chemistry. I personally like to keep introversion/extraversion in mind too. For example, if you’re super outgoing and thrive off of going to social things, will this person enjoy doing that with you? Or are they the homebody type that would rather get their teeth pulled than have to be out often? Obviously no one will be a 100% match in every area, but be with someone you can find a happy medium with, and can see yourself getting the most out of life with. So don’t downplay the importance of chemistry. Find someone you click with, that you’re attracted to, can have fun with, can get deep with, and that you WANT to spend your time with!
- Confirmation – This is key! Ask God for confirmation. He’ll make it clear. 🙂
I hope keeping these 4 C’s in mind helps you navigate dating and relationships with more clarity. Obviously there’s no magic formula to falling in love. These are just 4 important factors that can serve as a solid foundation for a thriving relationship. I know there’s someone super special for you! And it’s going to be such a beautiful, powerful force to be reckoned with when you two get together.
Wishing you the best!